Maybe it’s just me?
I’m sitting here thinking of a class on clearing bunkers that I need to give to my guys and it being very late I of course am procrastinating. Fucking around on the internet I think is everyone’s go to isn’t it? It can provide such an outlet as it is for me currently. It can also provide us with the completely anonymous voice that comes with a faceless community of billions.
Cruising around on some of my favorite /b/oards on the internet I sometimes stumble across some peoples opinion of the armed forces. There are the thank you’s, the voiced concern for their well being and the overall gratitude of those who do and do not understand our day to day life. But then you come across those who feel the need to let it be known that any affiliation with any branch of the armed forces or government makes you a baby killer or a sociopath.
Before I got help and realized how I was feeling and began to cope, almost everything would make me question my sometimes super human restraint. I’m now in a place I feel I can begin anew and find my path in life to who I used to be.
When I do come across someone who mentions a family or friend who’s returned from down range I often times find that single outspoken self proclaimed activist. They bash on that person and their morals and relentlessly try to bring everyone down with him or her. They assume that because of the position they hold in the army or marines or what have you, that you are one of the many problems facing this country. And no matter how hard you defend what you and your battle buddies, this person is the one to let you know just how “blind” you really are. I used to be that person when I was younger and thought I knew everything. But some of these people are seemingly educated and by any means should have some kind of wisdom or fucking common decency.
Instead of lashing out at this person as fast as I could type in THE HARDEST CAPS LOCK EVER POUNDED INTO A KEYBOARD…..I am talking to you. I’m picking and choosing my battles. Letting a more mature and enlightened sense of self come through and not playing into this persons game, no I decided to calm down and type this out.
Remember everyone: Don’t feed the troll
coffeeandklonopin is nice :)
A case of the “I don’t know’s”….
Let me start this off by saying that I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I give out second chances to most people regardless of their rank because “everybody gets one” right? I want to see the good in someone and I want to believe in what they say. I guess I’m an optimist, even with what I’ve experienced.
That being said; today whilst guarding the Ammo Handling Area (self explanatory) my relief arrived. As I was getting everything in order so that the change over could be done quickly we found that a magazine full of ammo was missing. This is kind of a big deal. Well…..long story short a previous guard had forgotten he had it on him and had left.
This is called the I don’t knows. It’s very common among privates and is usually followed by the person who is asking rank. It drives me crazy, I want to do horrible things to the soldiers who just throw this answer out there without even thinking about it. I’m pretty good at letting something slide but when they do this I flip. Not that I’m angry very often, it’s just that please at least give me an answer you thought of for more then five seconds.
I’m just happy my life is here back in the states. I wont be going to a foreign country for a while and feel better already.
This is a start
I’ve always wanted to write my life down. I expect this would be one of the easier ways. This might help me cope with whatever it is I feel from this point on.
My name is J, we’ll get to that later I’m sure. I’m a soldier in the United States Army Infantry. I’ve deployed to Afghanistan and have served time in Korea. I could tell you all so much of my time in the Army, which I’m sure I will but for now we’ll take things slower.
I’m doing this to get some kind of closure I guess, or maybe I just need to put what I feel or experience into words. Think of this as kind of a therapy for me in the way that I’m not keeping everything inside. I’ve had an especially hard year as I’ve returned from a war only to find myself back on the front lines of life. I just want to feel the way I used to feel, to be who I was before.
Now before this gets to dark, I do want to say that my life is full of happiness at times. I am not in the worst I’ve been throughout this crazy shit I’ve called life. It’s just that war can change someone. I didn’t think it would happen to me until I got back and spent some time adjusting to regular life. No more IED’s, being shot at constantly, knowing your life is in the hands of someone you don’t trust and also not knowing if you’ll come back to what you left. I would like to say that I’m getting better and I’m happier more often. But this has not been without certain challenges of course.
So I leave this as my first post. Every day I will write a story or anecdote about my life for those interested or just looking for advice in the same situation. I will write regardless of up’s or down’s. I will write funny and sad. Those who read this will know me deeper then most in my life that I have yet to confide in. This will be the key to the door that holds who I was locked up so that I may return.